I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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