would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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