get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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