Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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