you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
