I am in a vortex of obligation.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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