If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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