Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
