$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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