dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
