hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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