i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
