hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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