I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
