after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
