told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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