Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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