took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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