A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
