i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
