you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We left the knife in your bed.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
