worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I smell stomach acid.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
