If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
