my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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