I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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