Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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