I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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