You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
