so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
