The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
