I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
