i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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