my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
