I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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