so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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