I hate all girls vehemently.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
