Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
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we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
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This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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