I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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