This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
