It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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