My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
