I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
