so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
