I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
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Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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