We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
