Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
