One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
