even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Even my vagina gasped.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
