a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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