i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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