No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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