i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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