i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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