Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
She said her name was "party"
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
