I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
