I think I won the penis lottery.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
