note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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