I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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