she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
