I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
