Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
