What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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