I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
