Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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