I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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