in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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