I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
