super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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