my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
handjob tips. give me some.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
