I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You ruined the universe
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
