I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
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