i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
