why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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