I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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