I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
